Holiday

Life is so tiring some times...

FInally i finish my Exam for 2.2 my last year approaching ... If I were last time, i would cant wait to graduate... Don care 3 ,7, 21 just get Out ... But recently i change my mind becos of him... I don know would it be worth it that i abandon my 10 years goal for this Guy ... Don know why i behave this way ..... people really change when growing old...
Today i feel kind of regret knowing this guy ... i don know why... maybe i feel i m going to be cheated again just like the past ... I was afraid ... Reason was becos .... something i would not wish to say ... i just thinking finally all my friends found "the one" that meant to be in their life... I would think that i already met the one 2 years ago ... but u know this position seem to be very shaky at times... What kind of guy he really is ... I don know ... Why do he love me ? i don know...how much he love me ... the ans fade aways as time goes on .... What is it like to be together forever with him in the same house same bed same environment .... will it be terrible ... or happiness.... he told me if i am able to find a better guy who could give make me happier than he did ... go ahead ... if i did would he be very sad ? .... or happy ... u know as appearance it might seem so happy .. but some time it not like wad i felt ......
I feel so empty ... i feel being cheated at time ... i feel unsafe with him ... i feel not much protection ... i feel less attention compare to other ppl ...

"Understandable" so easy to be say but so hard to fullfill... I didnt give him much pressure on cycling, calls, msg, i try to understand and forgiving no matter what... i always tell myself he is busy with work ... when no calls from him or sms ... i would say he long time nv cycle let him go.... i would always think he got alot burden on financial issue don stress him or over spend ....
but i would always feel empty .... Maybe i should look more on the bright side of life .... like how much he did for me ..... and so on .... but i still could make myself trust him again .... once hurt is always hurt ......

I am so afraid to be stupid for another time ...... i am so afraid all my investment down to drain ... I am so afraid he is not wad he is ....... he might be a lie all the while ...... wad if he is a lie ......