Past Time

U know wad the worse thing of break up ......... there are many types of breaking up ....... happily break up ( still contact or tok to each other)..... slience break/break up angrily/sadly break up ... happily break up nth much to say ....u might miss him but u still can call him to chat...... where else slience break/break up angrily/sadly break up ... is not as good i guess...... especially when being dump........ in all my relation .....i got dump ..... hahaa don laugh! who will be happy being dump....... unless u really don love tt person ... first time was being dump was on IRC #usss chn .. lol he say there are still many seashells at beach ... jus that u pick the wrong one ...... lol chim....i cry right in front on my com....it didnt take long to forget him ..... cos i pick up another seashall ... lol daniel loy..... hmmm got dump too .... lol i remember tt day i called him house alot of time ..... i sensed something was wrong but his phone was engaging .. i so sad men .. untill at night finally got through.. he say wanted break up ....... lol i cry like hell men ..... haha my grandmom saw mi ...crying snatch the phone from mi and scold him wahaha that time was really sad ...... 6 months together .... jus gone in a moment ..... i wanted him back very badly....... i tried asking him out for movie .....and everything but thing wont work ...... when u wanted to feel him soo badly but u cant.... when u look at him every moment at the canteen to see if he notice u .... woo ... men ... it hurt .... my fravourite place crying is on my old sofa..... it a one person sit ....... it like my shoulder .... lol tt sofa accompany mi for very long ...... until alex... image .. i flood my sofa.. hahaa hmm next shawn ( hmm short nth much ) than jeeman...jus 1 month only .... but i still sit on my sofa and cry while hearing the britney's song there a girl in the mirror it goes like this :
there's a girl in the mirror
i wonder who she is
when i look into her eye
bla bla bla ( i forgot the lyric.)
than .... up next alex hmm .... worse nightmare lol ...... i mean he is a great guy la ....... after break up than is nightmare.. lol .... ppl always ask him why choose mi ...... even teachers ask ... why her.... lol a charming (not all ppl agree but to mi he is ) he flirt around all the time ....... this guy hurt mi most ........ ppl like daniel .... jeeman jus makes mi cry for months .. but him ...... make mi single for 2 yrs...... cry for one yr i guess ..... lol........ i don know why he choose mi .... cos at tt time i wasnt pretty nor ..... cute .... maybe to him is cute la ..... lol =x ....... we together for half yr n more alittle ..... one week b4 we broke up ....... he ignored mi ....... i totally lost out ...i hate people who drag and drag keeping away from mi ...... until i waited for him to finish sch ....... i saw him ...... he saw mi ... but he jus walk out of sch ...... damn... i follow him ...... i jus don understand ... he walked very fast ........ i couldnt catch .. u know how hurtful it was....... hmm until the gate ....... i stop following ..... i cried....... jus walk to my own bus stop ...... i called up a friend ..... crying ...... later .... i still feel sooo unfair ....... i call him ...... i said i need to tok to him ........ he say not freee... i say tml .... he say tml got tution.... -__-" ppl like alex have tution ... lol ........ dude.... than i got no choice lo....... later i got a sms from him .. i think there are better guy for u ........ lol ........ haizz....... i reach hm i called miko and told him about the break up .... i went her house brought my new yr clothes show her ........ lol .......... i got better toking to her ... for tt moment ... when go sch ...... i don know how to face him... or whole sch... popular guy .. ppl sure knows abt it ....... haizz... he did notice mi to see i m ok ..... it nv get better ....... i watch him move and action every moment i could .... i try to smile.... and act cute to get his atention ..... men so embarress ...... once he asked mi to draw for him his technical thing ...... i m suppose to push it ...... but ..... love haven fade .............. i agree ...... sitting beside him is great ...... toking to him is like heaven .... after he graduate ....... we lost contact ........ until not long ago ... last yr he called simin and ask for my numbeR !!!! lol u know ...... i was very happy .. i admit tt i stil love him at tt time ..... but after this current bf ..... sagita ..... i know alex is not the one ....... he did call mi when he come back from traveling around the world ..... we did met .. he look fatter.... and less charm .. i guess.... mature .....
my break up experience ....

Fucking English

At nite is the worse part of life ..... to some people who are in love they call it Romantic..... to those people who suffer from break up it call disaster!!!.... not a good day ........ within one day i post 3times..... not bad ...... He called mi ...... i m the one who is stubbon ..... attitude ..... he the one who keep apologised ...... infect is not his fault at all ...... if i were to be less demand ..... less sensitive or less petty it would be a perfect gf...... too bad ... i tried .....i offer to end it .. i know it too rush ........ i know i will regret .... i know end wif small matter is stupid ...... i know he care abt mi alot ...... i know he is faithful to mi ...... i know he is willing to compromised mi ...... i know i know .........i don know why m i still angry wif him ( i forgot wad i was angry abt) ...... jus tt today wasnt a good day for mi .... i m very pisssssss off today ... i wanted to find someone to fight.... maybe he is my victim ......... i don know wad the fuck m i trying ............

i like the pic

Love is a Universal emotion,
the goal we all seek,
the prize that can make our lives complete and whole.
Love is both timeless and,
in too many instances, transient.
These poems are about those times.
We all believe,
if only because we must,
that love can be found. Some of us - maybe most of us - have discovered it can also be lost.


Love has two faces
This I surely know
Which one I see todayI don't rightly know.
At times it is so beautiful,
Makes me feel complete.
Other times it can be vicious,I often times get beat
Wouldn't it be wonderfulIf love would never go
To that dark and dangerous place,A place I do dread so.
Settle for the happy times,
They are far and few.
I must wake up and leave this manWhile alive,
and still in view.

Poems....

My eyes are stones
You told me truth
But by dawn
Beauty had fallen from sight
These stones are in league with gravity
And green water gurgles over fathoms deep
Where I lieAbout the truth
I lie in weedsWashed back and
forthTangled, knotted,Decaying
And those are stones that once were pearls

Smile
Bending double
folded over myself
aches my back
but it is nothing
to the ache
you left in front of me
physical pain
simple and clean
keep all those sharp objects
away from me
Knife
Scalpel
Stiletto
Scimitar
Blade, blade, blade
why, some of them are even smiling
Once there were pictures on Russian TV
of a massacrea young woman's throat, cut
and her smaller, gentle smile above

November
Almost emptyalmost empty,
the treesalmost dead to the wounds of cold
sticks and stones in the bony sky
brown leaves immune
Their little death
their little death
resonating woodpecker flown south
with all his fine colors,
chewing creatures and spinners
bustled away beneath the calling geese
skeleton clouds in the cellblock sky
close in from the north

Who cares
who cares
none of it will hurt in the dryness
they’ll sleep all through the dreary months
of the sundial’s dumbness
and never dreamPersephone’s black in
somnianor keen her separation

wondering wondering in the rain

I m in school rite now.... jus now in the bus feeling werid .... anyway i everyday in the bus feeling werid .... i jus wonder was i over sensitive .... i look out the window .... think think think . m i wrong ? i wish i was wrong ... but i jus couldnt see where i was wrong ...people might think the correct way is to react ...." oh u on the way to mustafa ah ! thank baby i love u soooo much for going mustafa to check out the price for mi after work at 11plus pm.... alone..... " hmm isnt tt werid ..... werid werid ............. it jus doesnt make sense .... i was angry becos u jus left msn without a word ... i waited tot u would come back or sms mi or called mi ... u didnt ...that why i tot u were asleep ... than i iniaitive( i have been the one doing wad a gf should do) sms u ... than u told mi u on the way to mustafa... isnt this sooo irresponsible .... u been complianing how tired u were ... and stress.....your words are hard to believe ............ i said i will try changing my attitude ... if u tell mi this is my attitude .... i m sorry... i cant change this .... if u were to b missing again i am supposed to take it as normal ... or thinking "oh my bf must b aslp but the fect he wasnt".... so u mean i have gone missing u also wont react .....rite...
new teacher are lame men .... and slack too....... hmmmm hungry now .......

Rainy stand for tears.....

...... where have u been ........ why arent u the one i know when we first met ........ a responsible guy ....... and caring .......... loving ....... Wad make u change ........... issit becos u think tt i really love u that i wont leave u ..... so u doesnt need to show so much care for mi ! u FOol ! ......... i m a girl ! not a butch ! ...... even a animal need love all the time! Think abt it urself ........... jus 1 day ! used to have a morning msg ...... now ! ...... don even have ........ nvm abt this ... forget it ........ a call or a sms might b simple ...... i will b satified .. if u jus drop a sweet little msg ........ or a call to say missss u or wadever ! ........... did u ! huh ! .... all u say is busy busy busy ! ......... u selfish idiot busterd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some time i feel like giving up ............. it might b little thing to u guy ......... it meant alot to mi .......... i don expect to see u alot ......... all i ask is a little love show from u .......... Thank u sooooooooo much for going down personally to mustafa to check the price for mi .......... i was surprise ..... that .... u jus log off from msn ........ than jus head to mustafa urself ...... wifout giving mi a call or sms say u going .......... thank alot........while i still tot u slping ........ thank alot ........ u tell mi how much i meant to u ......... i don know ....... if is my fault to think so much or wad ........... i don know ............... i jus feel very down rite now ...... if i don write out .... i feel worse....... if falling in love is so difficult ....... i rather give up ...... i hate those day i lie on my sofa crying .......... i hate it ! if this is going to continue ..... i m sorry........ u can say i m childish ...... u can say i m petty...... i m going give up this relationship even though i love u ..... i don think u are still seeing my blog as it been a long time since i last wrote ......... u do or do not ....... it doesnt matter .............. anymore .............