My brithday

It sunday ... my birthday had pass ....

I had a wonderful day ..... a day i felt happy again LOL...
Though my prince was not tt with me on that day .... but i still had a great time ...
Thank to simin, miko,su chiang .....
any way .. they was late ... - __-"
we went to FIN to eat ... lOL ... 3 of them ate the FIsh N chip ... only mi ate beef... SO hard ..
the Table was shaking while i was slicing it ..
The Drink SUx .. i forgot wad drink.. like peach Passion or something .. tasteless... yUck waste my $4 ... LOL ....

The next day (fri) went out wif candy, shan.... bla bla bla .. LOL or name it all la ... knee , my lame cousin Long... and my Sweety... i have got a lot of good new from there ... or i should say shock new ... anyway .. My sweety Gave mi a very Beautiful Lily ... gosh i really really love it ... think of it now i feel like smelling it now. .. lOL ... too bad i didnt up load those pic in the com yet ... next time than show u guy .... once i saw the Lily .. i jus cant stop smiling .. = ) hee .. my prince at least still got some romance... LOL...
though very happy there was one part i was pretty angry wif tt frog prince ... due to the service we recieve from the Hong kong Delight .... he like those waitress//waiter's nightmare ... so called... "YE MAN" customer ... got so pissed up .. why cant he give them a break .. lucky he my bf .. he treat mi like tt i sure help him water his hair .... hee...
THan candy told mi her Shocking New.. actually i didnt felt shock la ... i jus surprise it so fast ... becos i tot she is very picky de ... didnt know so fast... hmmm lol ...

I really love the lily .. wad should i buy for my bf ... his birthday is jus few days later ahh .. n i think i only left 40 bucks... LOl... Die.... -__-" sent a rose to his house ?.... hmmm i wish i can pack myself in a box and give him .. .LOL .. i scare it his nightmare... lOL .....

I reallyl Really Love the lily .................!!!!!!!! I love u !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thing Change

what a boring day ... so dried and so restless ...

i felt my house become jus a hotel ... becos there is ppl who i don know sleep in the same room as me .... they stay few days and goes....

i felt no self of belonging anymore

revenge lead to nothing .... revenge will only get itself hurt ...
i know .. i m toking nonsense again .....

my birthday is coming ... but i felt nothing ... empty ...
i m starting to pretend and fake again...
i remember during secondary school days ... i came across this phrase ....

" WHy do i have to smile when i m sad , why do i have to laugh when i m not happy, why do i have to pretend there is nothing happened at all , why do i have to pretend everything is alrite , why do i have force myself not to cry .... when i couldnt even control myself ..."

i edited some of it ...

i wet my bed again .....

Diary

i Almost forgot i had a blog ... Lol ...

recently .. i keep wanting to write some thing down ... Like keep a diary myself ... Hmm should i ? or should i not ? have to worry so many thing if i were to write... I was thinking a chinese edition diary .. LOl cool Rite ... although blog is also a part of the diary .. but u know ... everyone is always Viewing .. jus like u now reading my stupid BLog....

Wanting to write down my Life ....... so that next time when i look back i would know wad i had done ...... Great rite ...... first of all i need to Get a diary book .......

wad wrong Wif mI today

I simply Miss U....


Love makes smart people do stupid things...


Are u thinking Of mi ?... I am ...


I've noticed that being with you I smile a little more often, I anger a little less quickly, the sun shines a little brighter, and life is very much sweeter. (^v^)

I hope i can stick to U forEver ..... n Ever....

DXO

DXO...

Queue 3hrs jus to get in ....

tot It was lady Nite free enterance ... in the end we have to pay $18 ......

had... water Fall.... Cool...

dance non stop at the dance floor ....

Went toilet vomit .. Grosh ....

End our day wif lAst dance ...

Came out of DXo Vomit Like .... euu....

Took cab Back to HAn House .... really great house n beautiful place .........

My best wKend Wif u ....

i could nv imagine thing turn out to be soo great.... we book a chalet for 1 day on sun.... the day b4 i was really excited ... we have nv tried this b4... jus like the first time we tried going sentosa ... jus the two of us .... whenever i m wif u ... thing turn out to be great...


On the sun ... i was so happy .. n excited cos we going to escapes ... yippy ... total we got 4 tickets.. that stupid simin didnt wan to join so no choice we saw some ang mo .. than jus gave them 2 free tickets... lOl ... our Friends is everywhere lol...


our first ride was gold card.... lol we tot we were quening the rite one where the car goes every fast de... lol we quene the Kid gold card where parent must b guided .... wahaha there were some youngster too lo but mostly are parent n kids... haha we both share a car.. lol best part is we two fat like pig ... squeeze in to that small car really funny ..... i jus cant stop laughing ... he could belt up properly too (too fat) we are the joker down there... OH!!!!! the first one suppose to b hunted house ! LOl i went in ... it was totally dark... lol i told him i don wan go in anymore ... we came out without finish the whole place ... SOrry baby i m jus not tt strong ... = ( ... The kid gold card was fun baby video it ...

later we went to the adult ... don know why tt day alot of youngster .. those ah beng .... sian ... when the race was on... one stupid idiot suddenly cut my into my lane ... damn piss off men .,.. he think he hero ... ZERO lo ... baby went casing after him lol while another malay kid also challenging him . they are really childish ...


after that went to the water boat ... i tot sit at the back wont get so wet ... but in the end ........ i m the one we is the most wet ... he had to gave mi his extra shirt to wear = p hee ... opps... normally go wif simin ... no matter play how many time also wont so wet de ... but this stupid guy .. siam the water ... and all the water kana mi -__-" idiot ...


after tt pirate ship ... lol.... i love the high view when coming down ... LOL


after tt we took the 360 degree ride .... Lol last time took wasnt tt scary ... lol this time really scare the freak out of mi .. i could really see i m touching the floor ... lOL some thing drop out of baby pocket when the ride goes on ...he tot coin ... he keep saying in mine while i doesnt have anything on my porcket at all .. when the ride finish ... it was his KEY!!!!!!!!! LOL... lucky nv drop ... tt ride really make us ..... giddy .. but baby worse...


after tt we went to ride the air space de ... we still play 5 , 10 ,15 on the ride ... LOl and i keep lossing -__-" ... i felt tired after the ride ... feel like slping ... than i told baby .. go take the pirate ship agian ... didnt know he was feeling unwell.. he look super pale ... like going to vomit anything ... call him to shout out to feel better he jus didnt wan ... didnt dare to ask him to take anymore ride ...


so we leave the escape go to arcade ... play basketball... play his soccor game .... play his racing car...

until 2 ... than we go buy bbq thing ... we bought chikcen wing .. garlic bread... hotdog... and break lol tt our bbq thing .. very little rite ... haha who care ... after we bought around time to check in ... the very first thing is ...... lying on tt big bed on mine n slp ... lOl.... we watch tv until almost 5 .... than baby went out to start fire... lOl so early rite ... guess was .. by the time we bbq everything we bought is not even 7 pm !!! lol 7 pm than ppl coming out to bbq while we starting to pack ... LOL the hotdog not nice de ... LOl cheap staff... black pepper chicken >.. Yummy .... and garlic bread ... nice ... i jus like toast bread too ... lol eat bread until i full sia... than next is watch tomd rider ... Not bad show ...... after tomd rider the chinese chn got this ghost movie ... funny n scary lOl.... werid werid de ...


after tt show my piggy slpy liao ... all he say ... baby i slp first k ... LOl. pig rite ! ... 12 pm light out ...... n he started to snore ... wahhaha ... I had a night MarE !!! lOl i woke up at 3 am in the morning having cold sweat ..... LOl it abt baby... his mother n his ex gf ....... LOl... i woke him up saying i have bad dream ... he jus hold mi down n say slp baby LOL..... idiot rite. .. couldnt slp properly ...


he woke up at 5 am to sms his boss say he sick taking MC lol (liar) ... thank baby ... for giving mi a day to b with u ... really happy ... than next morning i woke him up at 9 plus .... than pack everything ... than go Burger king eat breakfast ... $2 breakfast.. yaya cheapo rite ahahah ...... than after tt took MRT to airport... his parent went back iNDo ... waited for him at the buger king for an hour plus... when he came really glad to see him again .. than we took 36 to suntac... play arcade again ... but really tired la... actually suppose to go back his house after airport... but his brother off today .... not nice to go .. hmm wat to do ....


than around 3 than we go home le ... n until now i haven slp !! i m soooooooooooooo slpy !!!!!!!!!!!


baby thank u for such a wonderful day u gave ... it was really fun although u snore very loudly ... and the food it very little .... heee ... i enjoy very much ...

New BLog SKin

First of all .... i Need to tHank My BFG(big friendly giant).... oh .. nonoon... is BFF (best Friend forever) yippy! my blog nice ? nice!!! NICe Rite.... It beauty.....

MO siMin Thank u very much ..... u always help mi change my blog skin ... I admit i m stupid don even know how to change blog skin... how m i going live wihout u Man.... U the mAN!!! lOl

ok ENough my blog is not for praising her ....

Soon... sun is approaching very fast....Finally i can spending quality time wif My darling.. My baby ... my prince ... my piggy... LOl most of all My froggY! lOl any way all refer to the same person ... lOl ....
Today i tok afternoon nap .... i woke up around 6 pm ... i had a missed call from tuga... n a msg... i read the msg it say i m working tml ... N SUN !!!!!!!!! ahhh i supose to have the day wif my Prince !!!!!! i blur blur faster call tuga..... i even forgot Lilian name ah !!! too blur ... she can even know i jus woke up ... sadly i had to tell her sun i cant work only ... on sat ... she seem not happy.. u know ever since i messy up her place she don seem to b happy abt mi .... hmmm = ( ... i feel bad abt it .. but i already book the chalet... no choice .... LOl ...

baby plan everything well on sun ... first we go escape .... in the morning 230 book in ... than rest.. than night time have our 2 person bbq !!!!! cool rite.... yeah i tot so tooo ..... cant wait.. i prepare a surprise for him... lOl i jus now bought alot candles... decided to light the beautiful candles in the room ... lOl late on fire how ...we become roasted pig ... lOL ... i m gona light the room wif candles... romantic rite ! yah !!!!!!!

Forest

Do nOT Abandon the Forest JUst Becos OF a Tree........

I m SOoo TIred

so tired...... not only having tiring Body but also tiring Life........

Went early morning out to swim wif Candy n shan ..... Great we gal start chat again ..... after tt went shopping .... Walk walk walk guess we really used alot energy.... pretty tired when we reach ah gong place....... Felt great when we drink the cool Ice Lemon Tea ..................
After GO home ........

I m tired of life becos i found no purpose in my life ......... working hard so that i could live a better living in the future ...... so that my kid will enjoy more ..... so that life next time wont be like now ........ really tired... i jus wan to be a gardener ........ LOl funny huh .... gardener... i wish to plant beautiful plant....... flowers........... a big piece of land ...... but once i think of those worm .. E.. haizzz I think human really work too hard ........ i think human doesnt really know wad life .... not even mi ..... PPL work hard jus to have better future............. wad is really a better future? lot of money ? haizz .......

I spent 70 dollar today ........ i felt heart pain ............ LOl although to rich ppl it is small amount cos my work place 70 dollar cant even but a full piece of swim wear ......... but i still feel sad .... cos i didnt save tt up .......... i feel regret .......... why i spend without thinking ........ why cant i be more thrifty......... Life tough now ............... Money really very important .................. although many thing money cant but ......... but alot thing money can which we really need it ......... food ... clothes .. other temptation things....... i m so tired ...... i don wish to fuss up tt 70 ..... blame myslef .... i doesnt have determination ..... go on diet also like tt .. save money also like tt ......


hopeless mi .............

i feel burden now .... really.. i can feel my back getting heavier and i know it will be heavier .....

the chalet

HAd the chalet done smoothly....... Mi shan candy knee and my little cutie pie ... plus my lame cousin ...... total only 6 ppl LOl

Baby took half day for the first day and took leave on the second day ...... so i had him wif mi for 1 1/2 day....... It was great wif some little not great in it .... = ) 230 we check in ...... he was suppose to met mi at 230 .. when i called he told mi in the cab... so i tot he coming .... inthe end i call him why haven reach he say on the bus .... i was blur .... i don know where he took the cab to ...... he reach at 4 plus . i was abit pissed ... bcos he didnt mention thing properly... like trying to hide... it terrible to keep thinking was he is hiding ....


any way ... we had fun ...... he came .. awhile later we had the BBq .... he started the fire . lOl his hand was all black ...the best part was his nose kana some chacoal ... LOl..... look so cute .. he feed mi alot ..... the best food he always deserve for mi .. jus like the OTA on my plate it was cook a while ago ... his was jus cook and he exchange for mi and gave mi the Hot Nice OTa...... isnt he great ..... and keep feeding mi the bread that he toasted ..... i feel like princess ...


THe best part was at nite ........ we squeeze ourselve in the small single bed ... LOl.. it feel warm .. lying on his shoulder and slp .. it been so long slping on his shoulder and hugging his fat tummy .. + ) first nite wasnt great cos i hardly sleep cos he snore too loud !!!!!! i was so afraid that my friends couldnt slp becos of him so i didnt slp to watch him slp almost whole nite ... to make sure he doesnt snore too loud . if he does .... i will jus lighty pinch his nose Hee .... i know it a bit funny but tt the only way he don snore too loud .... did had a good slp make mi so tired ... but second nite was the best ........... = )

Next morning went to arcade play had lunch .. go back room ... my cutie pie went to slp again .. i didnt want him slp cos he slp so much ... It like he slp not becos he is tired but it a habit he become .......... so i lied beside him while he snore i keep disturbing him .. shake him to wake up ... bite him ......... keep toking to him ..... he jus doesnt want to wake up ...... i so sad ....... i slp beside him looking at him .. saw his irritated face ..... = ( he was like wanting to scold mi ...... ...... but he didnt he jus turn his back to face mi .. than look at his back ... i cried ... i don know why i cried ... maybe cos i haven been seeing him and yet this is the way he treated mi ... i cover the blanket from my toe to my head....... cry and cry (slient) until i fall aslp ..... i don know when i fall aslp.... but when i wake up ....... i saw the blanket is not covering my face anymore ...... and i m slping on my cutie pie should .... i don know how i end up slping on his should ...... but some how i feel happy ... Lol he seem hugging mi tight .. than i forgot everything abt him ignoring mi when he was slping ....... love is jus so blind ............ i keep asking how did my head end up on his shoulder ...... and he keep saying magic ... -__-" ... some how i really wish when i was slping ... he is looking at my thinking i m so cute .. LOL !!!!!!!! cos when he slp i really like looking at him ... like a baby ..... = )

during the nite ...... around 1 am then slp cos he was watching the race car....... i was pretty tired so i lied on the bed first while he sitting there watching tv .........when the race finish he still watching the person toking ........when i hear the toking part i become more tired .... LOl... than he switch off the tv and there goes our nite sleeping this time i got no strength to watch him slp cos i m really tired.... but a bit sad cos it the last day and tml he going to work again.... 645 he going to wake up ... so hope he had a good slp ... i feel like we are old couple ..... i don know why ... jus feel like we are not anymore those dating couple .......... some time i hope he pay a bit more attention to mi ....... example ..... look into my eyes and say "i love u " sincerly ... hug mi from behind .......... bla bla bla ..........

when 645 am strike ....... he already woke up ..... i open my eye saw him walking to the out of the toliet ... than he pack his things ........ i walk him down ....... hug and good bye kiss.......... and i already started to miss him already ....... i saw him walk away ....... went back to room and slp but feel that the bed had more space ..... really miss him ....... although we jus spend 1 1/2 day together ....... It like nv been enough for mi ..... = ) really miss him

Memories

U promise that u tried to met mi on fri ...... i was excited .. but sadly again u say u will be working late ..... so we cant met ......


remember last time u took ur time cycle all the way from ur house to mine .... now is jus memories...


on sat i was working hoping to see u although i m still angry abt friday ... cos u didnt even msg mi when u reach hm ... tot u coming ..... and again ......u sms mi say u going dinner wif ur parents and grandmom ..... we cant met .... i almost break down ...


remember last time christmas ..... ur parents came to sg ....... when i was working .... i left my wallet in the shop no money to go home not even bus fare.... u came all the way down from woodland ur grandmom's house... pass mi some money.. and sent mi home


I always feel i m giving too much and u giving too little .... i feel so bitter ......


Thing Change .........


so do u .........


Let all these be memories ......

Jia YoU !!!!!!

H mmm hi everyone long time no see ........ Miss Mi Huh ? LOl = )

Well Due to my internet break down and also exam time .... i didnt online for almost 1 week or more i guess...... Anyway now HOLIDAY Yeahh !!!!! YippY!!!

Holiday i going to really go on diet ! i even bought Wt Machine ... SEE i m serious this TIme .>>. lOL... but don know will success anot ... Jus now .. Candy and mi decided to slim down by this yr ..... Lol Don know can anot = p I really wan to slim la ....... LIke the Jing Shang Sung... LOl wahaha she damn cute le. ...

I bought new swim costume... Pls give mi the determination ............... = ) Jai YOu Pig!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*(00)*
___

He is so Busy

today is jus a normal day ... Oh jus tt i M broke ! ... Lol running out of cash .... Any way still can survive .... + )

My Fat pig seem soooo Busy .... always so busy .. yesterday say wan to call mi after work but didnt call... he finish work around 1130 pm ... -_-" Lol btw i slept early yesterday 845 on my stupid bed liao ... = X even if he call also cannot reach mi ...

Jus now he call Mi ... but i didnt ans ..... =_=" he still at work cos he using office nUm ... sAd .. hE sure every tired de ..... AHHhhhhhhhh why like tt ..... why ppl work sooo HArd when they don even know wad they working for ? ... the future? haizz ....... I don wana work so hard without any reason ..... for $$? haizz.....

Today met my grandmom .. lOl she out of cash ... early morning call mi ... haha Ask for $100 .. too much ... Lol can afford to give her ... only give her 20 first ... sad .. cant provide her when she is broke ... I told her to cook at hm .. so to save more money ... i jus home i can give her More ... but i really don wana touch my saving acc ... U know i m a person who don save .... so now i save is becos of my future. ..... haiz ......... HOpe mOney drop from sky ... LOL.... wad if money is not impt in this world ... wad happen when every thing is not like now ... i wish i can build my own house on a big piece of land .... = ) My dream ... this may not come true ... = ( .....


Oh ... when i was toking to my grandmom today ... we tok abt future Lol .... i told her rating a house is sooo exp ... complianing lOl than i told her when i 22 i going to ROM ... Lol .... her reaction was OK ..... LOl........ i think she really very supportive le ....... Lol ... guess she know i m serious this time.... I told her i have some Cash wif my bf .... and she say nvm la ..... jus give him la ... Waahhahaa -__-'" some thing really werid abt her.. cos she know tt he spend alot on mI = / .... Anyway .. my money is Mine his money is MIne toOOO lOl... $_$ Lol Jus kidding = p ...

the person i need can nv be reach

I called and called ..... all i hear is either i cannot get through or the operator say" the starhub user i m calling cannot be reach"

i keep calling although i know wad result i would get ... i know i wont be able to get through.. i jus hope some how it get through.. i jus hope some how i get miricle ..... it nv did although....
The only possible thing is that his Hp totally low batt or he is on the phone .... guess his hp totally low batt and he is still working .... guess he is super stress now.... over his project... He told mi he got Diarreah today..... he went to poly clinic ... and he going back to work after seeing the doc ... Poor thing rite .....

But i cant reach hm now... i haven been seeing him yet .... i feel sad ... will i b cure after seeing him? or it will get worsen even time i nv see him .... or he is not affected by mi ...... i suddenly feel like being hug by some one who love mi very much from the back... i love being hug from back ....it feel like i have a shell to protect mi from behind .... like tutle .... = )

wad my level of pirioty in ur heart..... i think it has lessen ... maybe ........ it nv been high at all ? LOl ....... sian ...... after a sleep .... wad i felt today is gone ....... and it will hide in my unconcience side ........ hide there forever ....... don know when will it come out again ......

wad a bf

Some oNe commented that i have got a bf ........but it seem like i don have a bf ....

Some time i think it true too ..... becos wad really is a bf ?
Someone u love and someone who love u ? issit this only?
plus also someone who u call to talk about thing happened Today On the phone .... chit chat .. u love mi i love u ... bla bla bla ...... ?
Some one whom u wish to see all the time....
Someone when u don see him jus 1 wk u feel terrible .... u feel like a person who need drug badly ( i think not so worse la )

I feel werid ... i always tot he is the only one who care abt mi ......... but it not true .... some one else care too .... why do tt someone else care when i don even Care for him at all .... why love is sooo stupid ....... like no Brain ....

I mISs Him

TOday is sat .... Normally i would met him ...... But today we didnt met ..... not even tml (sun) too .... = ( haizz. during afternoon it was alrite... I have got my grandmom accompany ... than later on i got Jacky accompany ..... untill after the mOvie .. i was left alone ... i feel Lonely cos the road look so dark .... i feel so unsecure ..... Haizz..... not at home ... cant hear his voice... = ( sad ... cos his Hp low batt... whole day i feel so sad !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! any way i finally ... taste the feeling of missing him... last time always see him lIke ..... Don really have the feeling of missing .... now ...... i really feel like hugging him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! = ( i miss his everything !!!!!!!! i really hope we can met tml ......... really...........

My secret been review

I m so sad today..... Be cos my best sis found out one of my secret which i Hide from Her..... I think i hurt her ... She always try to cover for mi my mistakes... i feel so guilty ...... i tried to forget but ...... i didnt know she will find out .... it all My fault ... i feel very bad now .. i donknow how to face her ... she been always so nice to mi .... she scolded mi i tot we are not going to b friend again ......... haizz.... once again she forgive mi ....... i don deserve it at all ........ i should be left alone ............ i don know how to face her when i see her ....... i don know wad to tell her when we see each other ...... she is jus so unlucky to have mi ......

had a great week End

(SAT) ....
My dream !!!!!!! Mountain ! yeah ... hey people don think bukit timah hill is nothing ..... Lol i climb like shit ... wahaha finally i sweat shiokly.... we took a fat and beautiful butterfly ... =) It don feel afraid at all we was so near it .. = ) than tall treess. beautiful place ...... i wish i stay near there ..... so i could hear nature sound .. really ... MAny people where there .... climbing up .... walking down (backwarD) .... i tried .. not back . it smoother when u walk backward down hill ..... the road it steep .. very steep at some point ... Lol we wanted to go to the backveiw .. something to see the beautiful sceenary ..... but couldny find it ... than ... we tried a small road ..it is name SUMMIT ROAD ... lol it a high high stair way... uneven stair way.. my worse nightmare ... lol we climb till half way .. baby was like ..... going to die ..... keep on saying wah lao ... tired le .... lol .... it true tiring .. i climb half way i could feel my muscle pain ... great to feel pain .... i feel like going eveyweek but my baby look at mi and laugh like clown .. -__-" sian ... i really wan to ......... lose wt climb mountain ...... !!!!! thank baby !!!!! for accompanying mi = )


Most impt after climbing ..... we took cab back to his HOuse ...... lOL u know i m sooo happy ... he been refusing to let mi go his house becos it is very messy.... it really turn out worse than i thought .... i felt guilty the moment i step in .... for not understanding his situation .. i m sorry i didnt mean it ..... i didnt know thing turn out to b sooo bad ... thing change really fast ... the room is messy ... i wish as a gf i could help u clean it up but i cant becos i don know where to start .... i really wish i could find u a house as soon as possible .... i will i can lesser ur burden... we were so tired we fall aslp ... he start snoring again lOL ....... his brother fahsi ( don know how to spell) suddenly came back hm .. go abit shock lOL but he is so far ok to mi ... i fall aslp .... have him beside mi slping and snoring ... i m not sure if i did snore becos i found myself .. opening my mouth when i was slping .... = P .... later his brother see ..... e.. why this girl like this wan lOL .... hahaha Stupid baby say i got snore >_<... he snore like pig lo ..... anyway when he wake up he got his energy back he went wash up and we head to orchard .... lol he really got his energy back .. not like last time always so slpy ... we long time nv walk tt carpark ... nv walk tt path way ... nv take bus together at the bus stop ... so many many ........ really thank u .. baby ... u trusted mi ... =) i m glad ..... i don mind anything ..... as long as u are here with mi ... I promise when we have a house i make it like a hotel ..... = ) .... as clean as u can imagine (try my best la ) lol = p


(SUN)
i thought today we wont b meeting when u msg mi u working ......... i felt abit sad .... but anyway i need to study mar..... so it ok la ..... 1015 i left my house..... i reach my grandparent place at 11 too early when i was outside center point i recieve a msg from baby he say he might met mi today at 3pm.... LOl i fu*king happy ..... lol i feel so great ... u tried ur best to met mi .. thank again ........ anyway i waited there while having my vegetarian noodle ....bee hoon .. lOL nice full too . =) than i started my revision ... didnt really have much mood to study ..... = ( .. than he came around 5 pm ... lol late rite at first we thought of going mustafa .... but when we got on to 65.. i said i don wan buy phone ... than he say don wan buy go mustafa for wad so he say go PS than we jus drop the next stop lol...... than went to watch Lake HOuse ... so nice show !!! .... before the show start we went archade ... = ) he play his racing ..... i saw ppl playing the game like price i don know how to explaint .... inside got PSP and other hP... we aiming the PSP almost 10 dollar on it ,... waste money didnt get it ...... we wasnt tt lucky . =/......... no choice life .. lOL .. after movie he help mi flag cab ..... got a marc ..... wah ....... lol beatiful cab = ) than he took 7 bus back home ......... thank honey....... u are great this week end ....... = ) ............

My first 4D... (2419)

Sunday30 Jul 06
Draw No: 2418 <---- don know wad is this but almost the same as my first num = )
1st Prize
4493
2nd Prize
1500
3rd Prize
1327
Starter Prizes
1383
2899
3011
4073
5142 <---- not so close ... (9142) lol
5761
6623
7945
8725
9932
Consolation Prizes
1167
3768
4251<---- same numbering as the top one ... lol cool men
5977
6523
7326
8368
8683
8786
9144

My first day of buying lottery today .. not very proud ... at first was to help my ah ma buy ... i didnt buy any thing for myself although i feel like.... but maybe it really meant for mi to buy ..... i gave my ah ma back her lottery .... after buying for her ...... later ... an hr later ... my ah gong ask if i can help her buy lol !!!!!! ... so which mean i went two time ... --_--" so jus nice baby jus reach .... so i ask him pass mi $1 .. = p i went to but 2419 = ) didnt got it .. any way luck wasnt with mi .... or him ........ = )

SUpre Tired

Today been super tireD ! ...... sian Phyco project going to drag again.... wah lao .... Next week due but nth Come out yet ..........

TOk to him on the photo jus now .... sian ... like wan to die like tt ...... Nothing much to talk abt ........AHhhhhhhhhhhh why my love life soOOOoo Boring ! .... i wan to change Partner .....!! can i have someone more Romantic . and ... Most of all ...... feel excited when i m around when toking to mi ... when i call him when i msg him...... when Everything involve abt mi ......... My wHite Horse Prince.......... waHHh -__-" don have le .......... i think i got the chocolate colour prince ....... haizz... AM i too demanding .... ? AM IIIIIi?

Guess my prince is aslp .... guess he is in his wonderland without mi ..... He nv need Mi..........
I m Alone .......

Sun

today ........ went to k box and movie wif candy ........ really gald she is free .... . becos .... don know who else .... is free....... He went to pula ubin cycle ........ so i have to find my own activity .... sorry candy ..... lOL ..... u not my spare tire k ! .... u my Dearest xiao mei ..... great shopping wif u ..... it seem like we today really spend alot le ...... LOL k box ...... movie ....... ur skirt and top ... and food ...... Lol..... we bought the same TOP again!!!!!!!!!!! lol .........


after shopping at zara ..... i told her tt all for today ....cos i tot might be meeting him .... but jus nice he say ...... he going to slp soon ..... = ( ..... haiz the was 630 ... he really tired ... cos he woke up very late....... my heart really wanted to see him even not tt i wan him to come down .... i tot of going to see him...... but it is always not the way he think...... felt abit unhappy but no choice ......... have to go back tt house ..... while walking to the bus stop .. feel really lonely so i don wana recieve any call or make any call..... so i jus switch off my hp.... i don know wad on my mind when i was in the bus ....... it seem blank ...... couldnt think much ... guess i m tired too ...

When reach hm .... light off ... door off ...... window close + ) he is not at hm ........ great ..... on the tv ....... on com .... and jus slack .........bath ....... than now .. typing my blog again ........ LOl ........ my feeling rite now is jus like the day when i was with alex........ i guess i become to dependent on him..... i realise it hard to go without him........ pretty bad.... i don wish to be like tt .. i still wan to be my strong women ....... can any one tell mi how not to b to dependent on him? ....... stay at hm ? i hate hm ..... go out wif friend? not always cos where got tt money ..... go out alone ? i will keep thinking ........ haizzz... go to hell then ............. LOL ................. god accompany.... = ) tt all for today .......

Fri ANd Sat

Well yesterday ..... or i should say on fri .... i went zpop with my cousin .... Hmm not a bad experience ...... Jolin was there........ her Breast Big ! .... -__-" ... lol .... reach aunt house around 12 ....... pretty tired. than .... slp till next morning ......

830 wake up to bath... cos going to met him for lunch .... Burger king Breakfast .. than he walk mi to the MRT ..... than he proceed to his work place.......

Once reach sch around 1115... opps ..lol soo late... than "my Friend" lol .... waiting at the entrance for mi ... i m the most late.... loL any way great day of doing project.... we complete every as create table and insert data.. now left the module.. hmm JIA You !.. after tt went to tampinese .. sat go take photo together !... lOL ... from CS..... go to tm..... than go back to CS lol cos tm newprint shop alot ppl . wait wait wait....... The pic is really cute ...........

After tt went we huimin to bugis change doraemo bag.. lol other not very suitable .. so nv change... than she went to buy mac for her cousin ........ than she took train hmm .... than mi ...... as usual orchard ...... so long nv see grandparents... sit there don know from wad time till wad time ........ i leave around 530 .... to heeren to shop .....
he reach around 630 .... than we went to eat jack place......... suppose to met miko ... and simin but miko must fly again ...... sian .... lol ....... so last min ask him out ... he seem tired cos he went cycling ........ sat and sun go cycling ....... nv leave his energy for mi...... so selfish .... haizz...... he so call force to go hm with mi ........... as usual ..... he slept in the bus like pig still can hear his snoring .. -__-" ....... he is really tired ............ i tried to hold his head .... but very heavy ...-___-" the uncle next to us keep looking .. loL i must b like idiot .....

when reach hm...... suprisingly......around 11 pm .... i online he was online ! u know .. it been long seeing him online ....... felt really happy ....... and most impt is ....... he say he maybe can met mi tml ...... nice rite ?........ lol last time he say tt i wont be so glad....... but now he say wan to met mi willingly ..... lol feel really great ....

What if one day...

What if one day i nv msg u ....

What if one day i nv call u ....

What if one day i nv miss u ...

What if one day i no longer care ...

What if one day i no longer love u ...

What if one day i am longer there ...

What if one day my love for u became Hatre...

Some time girl are really naggy and irritating ...... but wad if one day all these is gone ... she is no longer naggy , irritating.... i feel it kind of scary ....

Worst Dinner

reach home after school ... dad at home ... He been very early this 2 days .... i don feel good ... -_- wad to do ... he happy he come home early ... he not happy he can don come home ... but we people ... not happy ... or happy also got to come back home ... Lol ... Unfair ! riot! ... lol

Any way.... i had the worst dinner... Left over food Yesterday *Yuck*... actually i had a choice not to eat it ..... stupid mi ... -__-" ... Better don like mi sick again .... I cant imagine the grosh food is in my stomach now..... euee... (Don think abt it don think abt it ) ....


TOday .. suppose to do Phyco project ... but my group member had to do another project of their own... time seem to be running out ...... haizz.. any way mi and Huimin got 2-6 which is 4 hr break .... = ) we got the chance to watch "I AM SAM" a touching movie ....plot that is abt a retarded dad ... his so call " wife" ran away the day she(lucy) was born.. because she cannot accept a husband who is retarded ... sad rite .... he a reatarded guy raise his own child till 7 yr old... at this point the people think he cannot have the ability to support her or teach her because he only have a 7 yrold capacity.... alot of court fight....I am not going to tell u the whold story ..... any way is has a good ending ..... = )

Now at home doing nth ........ playing game stop mi from thinking wad the outside world is .... so ... soon i m going to play game again ....

Neat and Tidy

From today on ... i need to be Neat and tidy ! Most Important is No spelling Mistake!... LOl kind of difficult to achieve.. my spelling is always the Rot to the Rotten ~


This week been so busy project project project ! ... today OPSY interview Just end... + ) one word "DOOM" ... lol it sux the room so silence... JL suppose to help us but - __-" he also had problem with the Virtual memory and Physical momory... lol ...
Our lab tutor comment that we should be more prepare about understand all those things(VMM,CSTP,TPC/IP etc) LOl ahhhHH going crazy about these ... anyway .. who care It Over ! although still got exam ... diao ~ ...


I suddenly miss my lao peng you (old friends) .... SImin u stupid idiot la ... than for ur testi ... i recieve a testi today so happy though I got a testi i got a testi! in the end it say " i hate u bitch" lol.. u sluty ! .. wad make u think i love u ... siao ! ... I miss MiKO!!!! i miss Candy !!!!! i miss Shan( i jus saw her yesterday LOL) !! i miss vani !!! i miss .... hmm ok la i miss tt SiIiiMin ... (yeeuu!) tt grosh ... lol


so many thing to do so little time ... some time i wonder why human are always so busy rushing for time ... i really envy those ppl who can slowly walk through there life without rushing .. and most importantly they are happy ... ever wonder if u have the time what would u want to do ? ... gardening ... rock climbing ...tour around the world .... hmm isnt it great when money is no longer important in this world and people are friendly nice bla bla bla .... haizz.. ok i m dreaming .... = ) any way i wish to build my own BIG BIG house near the sea = )


enjoy ur life to the fullest !

My great dat with u

well well yesterday .... my dream wif him the whole day...... atfer my work 930 .. we met at bugis .. went oppersite to eat ... he ate hmmm mice noddle ... b4 we was abt to go eat a group of youngster suddenly was shouting .. guess they were fighting... 3 against 1 ... lol ... see show ... well after dinner ... we went to around ...... than after tt to bencoolend than selegi..... lol ...... than went to mustafa around 1230 am ..... shop for food and powder cos my leg between pain again ... walk too much .... after that went back ..... than couldnt sleep both of us walking tt stupid "tang bo hu" show ... than after a stupid show abt killer ..... almost 2am plus than really sleep ... his SNore Really loud !!!!! lol ..... buai ta han ..... -___- sleep sleep sleep ...... around 7 plus i woke him up Oppsy...... lOL sorry i m early bird ! ... than we went eat our Free breakfast ...... lOL .....

well he keep asking mi to go hm ... pls understand mi .. it really sad when thing is not tt good ... our relationship did change .... i had a great day yesterday .. but today ... -__-" i jus got no where to go ....... i cant go wif u ...... and yet don wanan go hm yet..... really lost .........like a little girl in the middle of the road who is lost ...
Watch the movie alone.." just my luck" lol good show ..... some time it feel good watching movie alone too ... show tt i m independent ... lol very good show anyway ... nth much after movie around 7 went hm .... tt all .......

Bad day

Thing turn out to be worse than i expected ........ well today suppose to met him go his house watch movie... yesterday night he wake up at 3 am to watch soccer ... he lost his bet .... sad...
i Know he slept very late yesterday night... so i decided to slowly go his house and wait for him to wake up ... i was at my house bus stop don know where to go ... so wait and wait ... so decided to take 65 to harbour front.... than slowly i went to the board to see where else can i go .... all very far ... chao chu kang .. yishun ... too fast .. so i decided to take 61 to the end station .... but who know he msg mi when i jus board the bus ... it was 1130 plus only.... he wake up so early.. so i tot can met him ...... but he didnt seem to want mi go his house ... he say " but my brothers at home" it seem like i m not welcome .. before tt day already decided to go his house ....men can nv keep his promised.... i was sad ... so i sms him let not met today ... becos .... if he come out he sure very tired ... and we are out of place to go ... so i didnt wan him to come out ... than he say ok to let mi b alone ... i was in the bus 61 .... viewing those trees ..... looking at the sky ... i m sad .... i wonder why cant we b like last time ... (i miss the moment we jus rest at hm and watch tv ... wait till night than take bus hm... )bus go and go .... and i think and think ..

Later when i reach the bukit batok station ... feel hungry ....... thinking again where to go .... no where ..... so thought of taking the bus back ..... so i sms him to met mi at holland for lunch ....
When i reach ... we went eat lo ... don feel good .. he seem tired... after lunch didnt know where to go .... haizz... than we went to the nearest shop the Factory store ah ... alot clothes inside .... but i still feel sad ..... he keep asking mi where to go .... orchard ? yishun ? ... i didnt wan to go anywhere firstly i know it will be boring ... secondly he is tired... so m i ... thirdly ... there is nth much we can do ... so i say i go home lo .... so he can go back his home too ... i said something bad ... i told him his brothers more impt ... he was angry ... i am not wrong .... although i don know his brother well ... but i dislike them... becos .. they make him change ... becos they AFFECT my relationship with him..... haizz.... when the bus come ... i jus say bye ...... and board the bus .. i WISH ... i was wishing him to board the bus too .. he didnt ... LOl.... not the first time anymore ......... don know why i still couldnt get use it ... still cry in the bus ... i look silly ... silly to fall in love again with someone who is not garantee... I wanted to jus say break again ... u know everytime when break out come to my mind ... i would ask myself ... am i able to live without him ... am i able to take it ... am i able to forgot it ... when u are angry u always say YES I AM.... Lol i can ... but i need time .... again ... i don know how long i going to get over ... i sad i m being treated like this ... i drop at china town thinking where i could cry out .... later i took 61 again to bugis ... shop ... and shop ... than later 61 again back at my home ... 530 i reach hm ... i hate being home so early ... i dislike to b hm so early ... sadly he doesnt know tt ... ppl who know mi ... know i hate my home .... sadly the person i love ... doesnt know .... becos he jus let mi go ........ i think i m going to break down .... why thing change........

i don know wad ur problem for not allowing mi to go the familiar house again ... if it was not nice for ur brother to see mi ... or if it was they dislike mi ... or if it was i m not the gf that u wanted them to know .... or if it was u are disgrace to have mi as a gf or if it was wad ever ........
i nv thought ur sibling would affect our relationship .... if i know they would i would nv choose to be with u .. i tot it was good for them to move in wif u becos i know u love them .... i know it good to have company... but u love them so much that u gave them the love tt belong to mi .... i feel terrible ...... being left along in the street again ........... i hate the feeling ..... if i know this would happened i would not agree to let them move in wif u .. if tt would happened i will not put so much love in u ........... i m not scare to be alone ..... i m scare of thee time tt need to cure myself again .......

my brother would nv interrupt in my life ...... i would nv interrupt in my brother life at all ... yes maybe i don love him(my brother) sometime i hate him.... i would still help him i could he would still help mi if he could .............. i love the life tt mi and my bro ...... becos ..... he nv affect my relationship wif u .... most imptly ....... he accepted u ..... he predict tt mi and alex wont last.. he got it ........... now he see my relationship .. he didnt comment anything ............. we share thing our story together .... we fight sometime ......

Btw i took i leave home at 1030 ...... i met him at 1 30 .... which mean i was traveling around the bus for 3 hrs... can believe it rite .... lol ...... i cant believe it too .... whenever i m sad ... i would jus board any bus ... let it take mi to where it goes.... so tt my sadness will jus drop at every bus stop it stoped.... sadly it nv drop .... it still around mi ........... i really really had a bad day ....... i feel not loved anymore .... why ..... if a guy really care would he jus leave u ..... i was alone at the street ... i know he is slping at home now.... thinking everything will be alrite .... but i m not .... accompanying my bf is wrong ? all i wan is jus spend time with u i don mind sit at home whole day watch tv or hearing u snor... i don wan u to be always complaining u are tired .... it seem to be my fault as a gf nv let u rest always want to met u ... maybe really it my fault ... maybe in the first place god should jus create man ....... with no Love in these world ..... Let my love for u fade with the wind ......

Good Day

yesterday night once reach Home .... i quinky pack my bag for tml trip to sentosa...... wondering wad bikini to wear ..... wondering wat clothes to wear .... when pack finish ... I went lying on my bad .... think wad show should i wear to match nicely with my beach wear and shopping wear ... hmm .. lol ..... had a good slp ...

This morning wake up ..... bath bla bla bla leave home around 9:15 abit early as i met him 1030 ..... moreover he reached early too... so excited in the bus.. but got this stupid fly .. too cold already don know how it come in the bus more over 2nd level ...-__-" how the hell did he get in? ... than he like trying to warm up his wing to fly ... but pity it also la ....... i don think he able to survive .... he was there through out my journey to harbour front ... Any way we had our breakfast b4 we go in ...... Beehoon ..... not very nice ....... than took the bus...... went to a bar... the provide sit at the beach as long as u buy something ...... so we bought ice mocha.... lol $7plus... his heart pain pain .... lol tot was 4plus only ....... any way .. later we went to the sea and swim .... fun ..... fun having him beside mi ... we like 2 idiot ..... in the sea ...... lol ...... tt idiot keep trying to swim very far ..... -__-" look so scary ..... lol ..... anyway after sentosa ...... we thinking where to go ... actually wanted him to cut hair .... but in the end didnt Oh...... the best part ! ok when ppl got beach rite.... wad will the bring .......? extra clothes rite ? HE DIDNT!!!!! tt idiot... all the cloth at sentosa so exp ... -__-" lucky he bought mi my pink short... than i went the pink short he wear my running short... don worry the running shot is big ... so sexy ... seeing his Leg...

Anyway ... we went orchard (heeran) ... to buy t shirt ..... becos his shirt stink ... loL sweat smell ...... it was very hot weather .... than bought a history shirt at 39 -__-" ... lol than we went cine eat cafe cartel .... lol .. he broke sia ..... spent soo much sorry didnt mean it .... any way i Pay 10DOllar for tt !! .... lol than we went outside ceni shop shop bought 2 cute small hp teddy .. PIG! 2 dollar each ... hee a blue ribbon and pink ribbon..... = ) ....... 1 for him 1 for 1 for mi ....... = ) than after that go home lo..... he slping like a pig in the bus .. i like the feeling he ly on my shoulder ...... but his head very heavy ............. lol........... than once reach my house he took cab home ... = ) tt my day .......

tml going his house ..... His sibling will b at hm ......i am scare ...... but i m the one who say wan to go ............

Not going to Sch...

Since 4 july ... 10pm ... i had my first diarrhea.... i tot once in the while diarrhea is ok ..... but than ..

next day when i went school... doing the subject tt i hate most ... (lab) half way through i jus rush out to toilet ... hmm 2nd diarrhea... starting to think .... did i eat some thing wrong... nv thought of any at tt moment ... my 3rd diarrhea was at school i went home straight and had diarrhea ...hmmm preetty bad rite.... i am not sure at night i still had diarrhea anot ..... not very sure

3rd day ... i felt alrite ........ we finish at sch at 2 ..... after 2 we had our tea break for project .... than felt hungry by si jie yong dao fu ..... lol hui min mi and evelyn went to buy french fries and onion ring.... lol put alot alot chilli and mayo... = ) yummy.... but best part when xui ting and evelyn left... mi and huimin tot of going to watch the movie i am sam ...... -__-" hmm but .... some one rented if watching .... Than i felt werid ..... need to go toilet again ... =( worse it the toilet on got ppl ... one of the toilet is occupy ...... i got to force to use the toilet i hate most ..... stood one ... u know library very quiet mar..... so when u shit also must be very quiet ....... damn it men ! ........ some more got another girl in the toilet ... she ah ! buai ta han le ... i tot of waiting for her to go out so she wont smell tt stinky smell .. know i m shiting also keep standing infront of the mirror..... i think she got cough .. keep on doing "uhmm" "uhmm" naibei .. i really wan to shout can u keep ur mouth shut i m shitting ! ....... -__-" girl really very free to stay in the toilet hor... -__-" in the end i cant shit peacefully .... = /...... when i came out huimin say all vcd is full... sian cannot watch only left 1 hr so we went to the level 3 to read comic... read till we slp lol ...... she was like .. droping her head hhaaha ... her hair was covering her face .... (long hair girl are like tt ) ....... than when we going to attend lecture ...... before we go in i Need to go toilet again !!! wahlao ... sad rite ... when go in lecture i totaly not strenght already..... than go hm..

wHen i was slping around 4am i got woke up..... my dad again ... he was drunk ... making tt stupid sound tt wake mi up .... keep on " hai hai" .... naibei ... when i wake up i realised i am not feel good ...... my whole body like no strenght .... some more my stomach not feel well too... it like it don allow mi to go back to slp...... -__-" worse stil i was forcing myself to slp .. but ... my aunt was snooring all her way like no body business... this is why i don like ... although sagita snor worse than her .... but if i cant slp i don think he will slpy peacefully too...lol .... at least tell him let mi slp first than he snor... lol .. than her snooring become rhyme .... wah lao the more i hear the more giddy i am .... than keep on sitting up and lying down ... until i slowly slp.... worse day rite...

Next morning which is now .... i jus had another diarrhea ... i decided to go see doctor ... lOL... butt pain ok .. shit so many times.... will going to miss my CLassmate .... lol or i should say my dog and daughters ... it not good to be old la ... sian ... hahaha most imptly is miss silver ... lol MIss u lol ! ..........i will tell u wad my sickness after i see doctor +) maybe same as xuiting stomach flu ! lol !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOday

I came to my blog surprisingly ...... i don know wad m i suppose to write here.. i am listening to "Never had a dream come true" sclub7 ..... i know i know Old song rite ..... WHo cares..... Sad song make mi no mood.. so emotional now.thank simin .. she is the one who sent mi this song-_-

My baby piggy still at work .... haizz he been so busy recently..... actually not recently ... it like almost every week he is busy except for weekend ... Lord can u don make him so busy with work... can u let him at least have time for break time for sleep time for talking to me on the phone .... and also have time to go out wif mi !!!!! and also have time for his cycling too ! and also Let him have more money to spent on mi !!!!!!!!!! Wahahha Jus kidding ......

I really got nothing to say! .........

I love u

I love the way you hug me
I love the way you say
'I love you'with all of your devotion
I love your morning greetings
and your nite wishes to me
I love the way your whole body looks,
back and to the front
I love the way you care for me
when our emotions are too blunt
I love the way you look at me and
stare at me with those eyes
I love the way you give me risks
for what your heart might bring
I cannot take it anymore;
I loved what your love has created
Love is not to forget but to forgive;
not to see but to understand;
not to hear but to listen;
not to let go but to hold on
I LOVE YOU!

OOAD result

In The OOAD lab now .... teacher gave our result .... i got B for it ... lOL SurprIse!!! loL i didnt even study properly .... tot will get a very low result .... B 5th position... Not bad rite .... LOl Happy enough le .............. Ok gtg go back to lab qns ! bye

Secure man

i had a dream this morning... is about black sociaty... it kind of ridiculousy .. but there is one part really gave mi a strong impression...

the dream goes like i kill alot ppl from A sociaty ... so they came to my house to revange.. at a point i felt helpless ... i went open my neighbour door .... while some bad guy where chasing after me... my neighbour came out .... those bad guy grab him... than came a guy he is handsome charming ... my impression and those guy who grab my neighbour were the handsome's men ... they kill my neighbour ,so i asked tt handsome guy why kill my neighbour as he is not involve ... he reply me becos i m the only one who can bring u out of here ...... well this line rite seem normal and nth ..... but it touch mi in the dream i suddenly sooo support when i was helpless as down my house alot ppl is after mi ... this charming guy was from A sociaty .... but he help ... blabla .... my dream very stupid hor... cos i think too much liao ... lol i jus felt touch lo .. i keep thinking abt this fairy tale dream le .......... maybe my love life not tt exciting lol !!! the continue of my story is he brought my down and one by one kill the ppl attacking mi ... lol Cool rite! we Live like TAO WANG De ri Zi(escaping life)....

if a guy fully concentrate on u ....... isnt tt good ... maybe my dream come from the "the dasiy" movie......

It been 1yr5months

The date now is 22may 06 which mean i have u by my side for almost 1 yr 6months ...... well i don know should i say day getting good to bad or bad to worse or worse to nightmare.... maybe good to bad...
u still treat me well ,lovely .... maybe i expected more from you ... maybe i wanted feel more love than now... maybe i am just thinking too Much .... I just cant feel the loving when you once talk to me on the phone ( i have said this sentance b4) i still feel this way...
i just finish talking to you in just a minute ago ... infact i don't wana finish the our talk . the problem was... i feel that you wasnt listening to me .... true enough you are busy writing program...... yah men should be working .. i agree too but not this. I don like the way u pretend u are listening by saying "OK" which is not OK.... i admit i m troublesome ... i know you are loving toward me when we are outside... I wasnt happy anymore ... i find myself trying to find faults in you ... i find myself fight over little thing in you .... guess i am trying to get your attention toward me ..... guess i am crazy ..
Sometime you are making an effort to make me happy ... but i just don know why i am not happy smiling anymore .... will it better for mi to be alone all this while .... maybe not ... maybe yes ..... are you just a passer by .... or someone who really want stability ..... even for me .. i also don know if i will get settle down with you ...no body knows god knows..... you made me feel so less important .. i feel we are drifting apart ....... i know little about you ..... i tell little to you ...... i show lesser to u ...... i keep more to myself ..... u becoming just like friends... "boyfriend" is just name .. it represent nothing at all .......... it will become meaningless if boyfriend and girlfriend disconnected from love ......
maybe you are less emotional ..... or maybe i am too emotional ..... what will happened if i and you 24 hr together ? will it improve or worse to nightmare?

Past Time

U know wad the worse thing of break up ......... there are many types of breaking up ....... happily break up ( still contact or tok to each other)..... slience break/break up angrily/sadly break up ... happily break up nth much to say ....u might miss him but u still can call him to chat...... where else slience break/break up angrily/sadly break up ... is not as good i guess...... especially when being dump........ in all my relation .....i got dump ..... hahaa don laugh! who will be happy being dump....... unless u really don love tt person ... first time was being dump was on IRC #usss chn .. lol he say there are still many seashells at beach ... jus that u pick the wrong one ...... lol chim....i cry right in front on my com....it didnt take long to forget him ..... cos i pick up another seashall ... lol daniel loy..... hmmm got dump too .... lol i remember tt day i called him house alot of time ..... i sensed something was wrong but his phone was engaging .. i so sad men .. untill at night finally got through.. he say wanted break up ....... lol i cry like hell men ..... haha my grandmom saw mi ...crying snatch the phone from mi and scold him wahaha that time was really sad ...... 6 months together .... jus gone in a moment ..... i wanted him back very badly....... i tried asking him out for movie .....and everything but thing wont work ...... when u wanted to feel him soo badly but u cant.... when u look at him every moment at the canteen to see if he notice u .... woo ... men ... it hurt .... my fravourite place crying is on my old sofa..... it a one person sit ....... it like my shoulder .... lol tt sofa accompany mi for very long ...... until alex... image .. i flood my sofa.. hahaa hmm next shawn ( hmm short nth much ) than jeeman...jus 1 month only .... but i still sit on my sofa and cry while hearing the britney's song there a girl in the mirror it goes like this :
there's a girl in the mirror
i wonder who she is
when i look into her eye
bla bla bla ( i forgot the lyric.)
than .... up next alex hmm .... worse nightmare lol ...... i mean he is a great guy la ....... after break up than is nightmare.. lol .... ppl always ask him why choose mi ...... even teachers ask ... why her.... lol a charming (not all ppl agree but to mi he is ) he flirt around all the time ....... this guy hurt mi most ........ ppl like daniel .... jeeman jus makes mi cry for months .. but him ...... make mi single for 2 yrs...... cry for one yr i guess ..... lol........ i don know why he choose mi .... cos at tt time i wasnt pretty nor ..... cute .... maybe to him is cute la ..... lol =x ....... we together for half yr n more alittle ..... one week b4 we broke up ....... he ignored mi ....... i totally lost out ...i hate people who drag and drag keeping away from mi ...... until i waited for him to finish sch ....... i saw him ...... he saw mi ... but he jus walk out of sch ...... damn... i follow him ...... i jus don understand ... he walked very fast ........ i couldnt catch .. u know how hurtful it was....... hmm until the gate ....... i stop following ..... i cried....... jus walk to my own bus stop ...... i called up a friend ..... crying ...... later .... i still feel sooo unfair ....... i call him ...... i said i need to tok to him ........ he say not freee... i say tml .... he say tml got tution.... -__-" ppl like alex have tution ... lol ........ dude.... than i got no choice lo....... later i got a sms from him .. i think there are better guy for u ........ lol ........ haizz....... i reach hm i called miko and told him about the break up .... i went her house brought my new yr clothes show her ........ lol .......... i got better toking to her ... for tt moment ... when go sch ...... i don know how to face him... or whole sch... popular guy .. ppl sure knows abt it ....... haizz... he did notice mi to see i m ok ..... it nv get better ....... i watch him move and action every moment i could .... i try to smile.... and act cute to get his atention ..... men so embarress ...... once he asked mi to draw for him his technical thing ...... i m suppose to push it ...... but ..... love haven fade .............. i agree ...... sitting beside him is great ...... toking to him is like heaven .... after he graduate ....... we lost contact ........ until not long ago ... last yr he called simin and ask for my numbeR !!!! lol u know ...... i was very happy .. i admit tt i stil love him at tt time ..... but after this current bf ..... sagita ..... i know alex is not the one ....... he did call mi when he come back from traveling around the world ..... we did met .. he look fatter.... and less charm .. i guess.... mature .....
my break up experience ....

Fucking English

At nite is the worse part of life ..... to some people who are in love they call it Romantic..... to those people who suffer from break up it call disaster!!!.... not a good day ........ within one day i post 3times..... not bad ...... He called mi ...... i m the one who is stubbon ..... attitude ..... he the one who keep apologised ...... infect is not his fault at all ...... if i were to be less demand ..... less sensitive or less petty it would be a perfect gf...... too bad ... i tried .....i offer to end it .. i know it too rush ........ i know i will regret .... i know end wif small matter is stupid ...... i know he care abt mi alot ...... i know he is faithful to mi ...... i know he is willing to compromised mi ...... i know i know .........i don know why m i still angry wif him ( i forgot wad i was angry abt) ...... jus tt today wasnt a good day for mi .... i m very pisssssss off today ... i wanted to find someone to fight.... maybe he is my victim ......... i don know wad the fuck m i trying ............

i like the pic

Love is a Universal emotion,
the goal we all seek,
the prize that can make our lives complete and whole.
Love is both timeless and,
in too many instances, transient.
These poems are about those times.
We all believe,
if only because we must,
that love can be found. Some of us - maybe most of us - have discovered it can also be lost.


Love has two faces
This I surely know
Which one I see todayI don't rightly know.
At times it is so beautiful,
Makes me feel complete.
Other times it can be vicious,I often times get beat
Wouldn't it be wonderfulIf love would never go
To that dark and dangerous place,A place I do dread so.
Settle for the happy times,
They are far and few.
I must wake up and leave this manWhile alive,
and still in view.

Poems....

My eyes are stones
You told me truth
But by dawn
Beauty had fallen from sight
These stones are in league with gravity
And green water gurgles over fathoms deep
Where I lieAbout the truth
I lie in weedsWashed back and
forthTangled, knotted,Decaying
And those are stones that once were pearls

Smile
Bending double
folded over myself
aches my back
but it is nothing
to the ache
you left in front of me
physical pain
simple and clean
keep all those sharp objects
away from me
Knife
Scalpel
Stiletto
Scimitar
Blade, blade, blade
why, some of them are even smiling
Once there were pictures on Russian TV
of a massacrea young woman's throat, cut
and her smaller, gentle smile above

November
Almost emptyalmost empty,
the treesalmost dead to the wounds of cold
sticks and stones in the bony sky
brown leaves immune
Their little death
their little death
resonating woodpecker flown south
with all his fine colors,
chewing creatures and spinners
bustled away beneath the calling geese
skeleton clouds in the cellblock sky
close in from the north

Who cares
who cares
none of it will hurt in the dryness
they’ll sleep all through the dreary months
of the sundial’s dumbness
and never dreamPersephone’s black in
somnianor keen her separation

wondering wondering in the rain

I m in school rite now.... jus now in the bus feeling werid .... anyway i everyday in the bus feeling werid .... i jus wonder was i over sensitive .... i look out the window .... think think think . m i wrong ? i wish i was wrong ... but i jus couldnt see where i was wrong ...people might think the correct way is to react ...." oh u on the way to mustafa ah ! thank baby i love u soooo much for going mustafa to check out the price for mi after work at 11plus pm.... alone..... " hmm isnt tt werid ..... werid werid ............. it jus doesnt make sense .... i was angry becos u jus left msn without a word ... i waited tot u would come back or sms mi or called mi ... u didnt ...that why i tot u were asleep ... than i iniaitive( i have been the one doing wad a gf should do) sms u ... than u told mi u on the way to mustafa... isnt this sooo irresponsible .... u been complianing how tired u were ... and stress.....your words are hard to believe ............ i said i will try changing my attitude ... if u tell mi this is my attitude .... i m sorry... i cant change this .... if u were to b missing again i am supposed to take it as normal ... or thinking "oh my bf must b aslp but the fect he wasnt".... so u mean i have gone missing u also wont react .....rite...
new teacher are lame men .... and slack too....... hmmmm hungry now .......

Rainy stand for tears.....

...... where have u been ........ why arent u the one i know when we first met ........ a responsible guy ....... and caring .......... loving ....... Wad make u change ........... issit becos u think tt i really love u that i wont leave u ..... so u doesnt need to show so much care for mi ! u FOol ! ......... i m a girl ! not a butch ! ...... even a animal need love all the time! Think abt it urself ........... jus 1 day ! used to have a morning msg ...... now ! ...... don even have ........ nvm abt this ... forget it ........ a call or a sms might b simple ...... i will b satified .. if u jus drop a sweet little msg ........ or a call to say missss u or wadever ! ........... did u ! huh ! .... all u say is busy busy busy ! ......... u selfish idiot busterd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some time i feel like giving up ............. it might b little thing to u guy ......... it meant alot to mi .......... i don expect to see u alot ......... all i ask is a little love show from u .......... Thank u sooooooooo much for going down personally to mustafa to check the price for mi .......... i was surprise ..... that .... u jus log off from msn ........ than jus head to mustafa urself ...... wifout giving mi a call or sms say u going .......... thank alot........while i still tot u slping ........ thank alot ........ u tell mi how much i meant to u ......... i don know ....... if is my fault to think so much or wad ........... i don know ............... i jus feel very down rite now ...... if i don write out .... i feel worse....... if falling in love is so difficult ....... i rather give up ...... i hate those day i lie on my sofa crying .......... i hate it ! if this is going to continue ..... i m sorry........ u can say i m childish ...... u can say i m petty...... i m going give up this relationship even though i love u ..... i don think u are still seeing my blog as it been a long time since i last wrote ......... u do or do not ....... it doesnt matter .............. anymore .............